Five things I discovered during the first year of being a mum
Welcome to motherhood…
As you go through pregnancy it is only natural to imagine life when your baby arrives. You’re buying all the things - clothes, furniture, prams, stocking up on nappies… People are giving you things and you’re doing your research on what you need and how to prepare.
You’re getting as organised as you can. Maternity leave is sorted, and you’re trying to get yourself mentally prepared for labour (gulp!). Of course, a vague expectation is forming - little ripples of excitement when you fold those tiny baby vests and organise everything ready for your baby’s arrival.
And, of course, you want everything to be perfect.
Nothing can truly prepare anyone for the event that is having a baby. A lot of realities aren’t talked about with people not in the same boat. Women in the glow of pregnancy are often spared the gritty details because nobody wants to freak you out. But there is a world of surprises in store and everyone goes through it.
So, what might you discover during your first year as a mum? Well, your situation might be different to mine, and this is just my experience, but some of it I think is fairly universal.
‘Bouncing back’ is a total myth
It seemed logical to me that once my baby vacated my belly, there would be nothing in there to make it round and therefore it would naturally just return to how it was before. Imagine my surprise (and dismay) when I still looked pregnant several weeks later!
This is totally normal. It’s because your uterus expands and rises, growing steadily for 9 months to accommodate your baby. Your body has had to change a lot, and has been doing some truly remarkable things. It is unrealistic and unfair to expect it to snap back in a hurry.
According to this article https://www.care.com/c/your-postpartum-belly/, “immediately after delivery, the uterus will be at the level of your belly button, which is reminiscent of being 20 weeks pregnant. Women tend to look pregnant for another six to nine weeks as the uterus and saggy, post-baby belly find their way back to normal.”
The skin on your tummy will take quite some time to repair, and depending on your age, diet etc it might not ever go back to how it was. It’s common, especially after having a second or third baby, for the skin on your tum to stay loose and flabby, and if you have a c-section like I had to, you’ll gain a little pooch that will never go away.
So I discovered that it takes about 9 months for things to feel like they’re back to ‘normal’ and even then some things are never the same again. This was how long it took for me to fit back into my pre-pregnancy jeans, but many mums never lose the weight and that is not because they’re more lazy or something is wrong - it’s pure genetics and luck of the draw.
Just remember, your body is totally bad-ass and has just grown a new human. Respect that recovering from that is a natural process with its own perfect timescale. You don’t have to like how it looks but please be kind to your amazing body.
But this all led to my next discovery:
2. You don’t care so much about how you look once you’ve had a baby
When you have an infant consuming your entire world, it’s hard to give as much of a crap about how you look. Of course, I still did my hair and wore clothes, but I felt less preoccupied with my appearance than I ever had before. I was too busy, and too focused on my baby to think too much about it.
When you inhabit your new role as mum, it feels like the standards can relax a little bit and this is a good thing! It doesn’t mean you have to let yourself go, but it’s ok to look and feel different after having a baby - and you will!
3. Parenting in public sucks
This was my experience and won’t necessarily reflect others’, but I was surprised by how embarrassingly inept I felt when I had an audience. If I had a visitor over or was out, and my baby cried or needed something, I often felt incompetent and judged for my lack of skills - fumbling while changing a nappy or failing to stop him crying straight away. It felt like a reflection on me and I tell you, it’s a very flustered feeling to leave a shop because your baby is screaming, and to imagine you’re getting hard stares from everyone around you. I found it really difficult.
In hindsight, I know that the truth is that most of the time nobody was judging me, and if they were it’s more a reflection on them than me. But even as my baby got older, I felt like there was a lot of judgement when trying to figure out how to parent him in public. And in many cases it’s true - everyone has an opinion and yes, sometimes you are being unfairly judged.
All you can do about it is keep your chin up, do your best, and make sure you are there with a reassuring smile or offer to help if you ever see someone else in the same boat. We all go through those moments! We have to support each other and not let the jerks grind us down!
4. You are stronger than you ever imagined
Motherhood brings on a fierceness that you can only feel when you have a child. It’s primal. But also, for me, it was surprising to realise I could be so self-sacrificing and go without so many comforts that pre-baby I wouldn’t have handled well. Cold cups of tea, constantly interrupted or missed meals, back ache from constant soothing and bending down and rocking. Sleep deprivation - getting up several times a night even though being exhausted. I admit as a more ‘geriatric’ mum (36 when my first was born) I had probably grown accustomed a rather selfish way of life!
But there is definitely something you discover in yourself when you are so needed, and willingly put someone else first, despite it asking so much of you. It’s a strength you never knew you had because you’ve never been tested this way.
I just want you to know, whatever motherhood throws at you, you can and will handle it. It will suck! It will be the most challenging thing you’ve ever done, and you’ll feel like you can’t give any more, but somehow you get through.
You can handle it. You’ve got this!!
5. You have to keep your cup filled up
I would recommend figuring out how to get back to your favourite activities as soon as you can after having your baby, or you could lose yourself. Even if it’s just grabbing 30 minutes to do some YouTube yoga (I love Yoga with Adrienne!), or a dip in the sea if that’s what keeps you buzzing. Meeting a friend for a 20 minute coffee break without baby if you can, or carve out some me time to just flop down with a book or your headphones.
When you have a baby to care for 24/7 it soon starts to dawn on you that when you’re not tending to them, there is an endless mountain of housework waiting for you.
Choose wisely where to put your energy. Get used to asking for help (this is the KEY!!). Find a way.
You cannot pour from an empty cup.
And one thing every mum will agree with is that it’s really easy for the demands of motherhood to take it out of you. If you’re not putting anything back in that energises and rejuvenates you then you’ll find the job so much harder.
The first year of being a mum was full of many more surprises and I’m sure many await you!
The trick is to not expect any of it to be perfect…
You will experience exhaustion, despair, irritation, frustration as well as sublime love, grace, patience and awe. You’ll feel everything and more.
Savour it all intensely. The days are long (so so long!) but the years really flash past. It’s ok to not be perfect. Just focus on what’s important. This will pass!
Your memories can be captured before they disappear. I am so passionate about helping mothers to document this time because it’s such a beautiful time to remember and deserves to be honoured and cherished with beautiful photos.
To book or enquire about a newborn or baby photography session with me, get in touch - I’d love to hear from you.
